BREXIT Campaign's Most Dastardly Plot Uncovered (WARNING CONTAINS DISTURBING IMAGES)
A most heinous and dastardly plot to swing the EU Referendum vote to "Leave" has been uncovered on the very day of the vote. The plot involves knobbling 2 votes for the price of one target.
The plot centres on a 45 year old man from Wirral, who had accepted to be a proxy voter for his daughter. His identity is being kept secret due to forthcoming investigation and possible legal proceedings. For the purpose of this report he will be referred to as Mr O.
After accepting the proxy voter request from his daughter, who returned to university a couple of days before the vote, Mr O took his wife and daughter on a small holiday to Majorca.
Unbeknown to Mr O the email account that his request was sent from was hacked and his personal details were acquired by a blacks ops team working for the Leave Campaign.
An assignation team was sent to Majorca to take Mr O out and thus his votes. It can now be reported that the attack happened near the top of a small mountain pass in the North East of the island. Following is an extract from an official police statement from the scene:
What is more disturbing is that the plot twisted further when Mr O managed to escape the island back to the UK on a private jet.
It appears now that he was tracked to the hospital now caring for him and further attempts were made to prevent him voting. These included starving him for a couple of hours (at least), then feeding him the hospital food. They even tried making him sleep with the "big light" on.
All to no avail. Mr O is far more resilient than the Brexit campaign originally thought.
The final twist in this most horrific plot was to turn their attention to the people caring for Mr O, rather than Mr O himself.
The scans of Mr O's fractures were to be sent to a specialist spinal unit in Liverpool. It is thought the campaign hacked into the NHS system and distorted the images. Once this was discovered, the scans were resent via secure carrier pigeon and were received by the specialist team. However the plot darkened yet again as no radioligists were suddenly available to review the scans. One of the team commented:
If the vote turns out to be Leave by less than two votes, the Government is planning to launch a full investigation and appeal the result.
More probably won't follow...
The plot centres on a 45 year old man from Wirral, who had accepted to be a proxy voter for his daughter. His identity is being kept secret due to forthcoming investigation and possible legal proceedings. For the purpose of this report he will be referred to as Mr O.
After accepting the proxy voter request from his daughter, who returned to university a couple of days before the vote, Mr O took his wife and daughter on a small holiday to Majorca.
Unbeknown to Mr O the email account that his request was sent from was hacked and his personal details were acquired by a blacks ops team working for the Leave Campaign.
An assignation team was sent to Majorca to take Mr O out and thus his votes. It can now be reported that the attack happened near the top of a small mountain pass in the North East of the island. Following is an extract from an official police statement from the scene:
"At approximately 17:00 CEST on Monday 13th June 2016, Mr O was descending a small mountain road close to Pollensa. After a ballistics report it has become evident that he was shot at by a sniper who was most certainly hidden in the lower branches of a tree near the bend. Mr O was shot in the shoulder and subsequently crashed off the road sustaining multiple fractures and a pneumothorax (collapsed lung). It appears that the sniper thought the job was done and fled the scene. Fortunately Mr O survived thanks to some passers by and was hospitalised.
We would like to appeal to any members of the public who saw anything on that day around the scene of the crime. We are struggling to see how such afatportly man could have ridden up that climb. He must have had help and we would like the persons involved to come forward. His legs were not shaved. All information will be treated in complete confidence."
Mr O's gunshot would clearly showing the point of entry of the high velocity round.
What is more disturbing is that the plot twisted further when Mr O managed to escape the island back to the UK on a private jet.
Mr O fleeing the island aboard a private jet
It appears now that he was tracked to the hospital now caring for him and further attempts were made to prevent him voting. These included starving him for a couple of hours (at least), then feeding him the hospital food. They even tried making him sleep with the "big light" on.
All to no avail. Mr O is far more resilient than the Brexit campaign originally thought.
The final twist in this most horrific plot was to turn their attention to the people caring for Mr O, rather than Mr O himself.
The scans of Mr O's fractures were to be sent to a specialist spinal unit in Liverpool. It is thought the campaign hacked into the NHS system and distorted the images. Once this was discovered, the scans were resent via secure carrier pigeon and were received by the specialist team. However the plot darkened yet again as no radioligists were suddenly available to review the scans. One of the team commented:
"It was getting a bit close to 4pm, I needed a brew and to get home for the start of 'The Chase'. I bloody love Bradley Walsh."The resulting delay caused the review not to take place today. The upshot is Mr O is still trapped in the hospital (for the second day running) and will miss his vote and that of his daughters.
If the vote turns out to be Leave by less than two votes, the Government is planning to launch a full investigation and appeal the result.
More probably won't follow...
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